Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Anxiety of a second time Mom

I've got seven to eight weeks to go before I pop. It is quite interesting to note that I am more anxious now than I was with the first.  Maybe because we were already four years married when Alon came.  It felt the right time to have our first child.  Our coming soon was a surprise... unplanned and unexpected but definitely not unwelcome.

It has only been a little over two years ago but I'm acting like I was not pregnant before. I wonder if the hardening of my stomach is normal (yes, it is) or why I am always breathless (again, normal, but something I did not experience much with the first).  I'm trying to remember if I should bathe the newborn twice a day or once is enough. There are a lot of things about taking care of a newborn that I feel clueless about again.  We still have not started getting things the little one may need and I intend to cram every thing on my eighth month.  Small things that I paid extra attention to before, I have not been able to do now.

The main reason is I do have a toddler who is quite demanding of my attention now. As a working mother, I utilize my time at home playing and caring for my panganay. I could hardly do anything else until he is fast asleep. This may be part of my anxiety, I think. I sometimes worry if I prepared Alon enough for the arrival of a new person who will be as demanding as he is. I've bought books about new babies. I showed him his baby photos. I talk to him every night. I ask him to talk to my tummy.  Still, I know that when the baby is there, things will take its own shape.

I am also concerned if I have enough in me to care for two human beings? Three, counting the hubby. Hehe! I'm already exhausted just taking care of one toddler.  How will I fare once you throw in a newborn in the mix? I don't want either child feeling neglected by Nanay.  Right now, I'm trying to relegate more to Jan and the yaya but Alon seems to want me more than ever.  It might be he is sensing something big is coming and making the most of it.

I pray constantly that these two brothers would be friends, that they will care for each other.  I pray for guidance that we can foster that love between them. 

There is also my concern about finances.  Kids cost.  I've been lucky that I could sustain breastfeeding and that we use cloth nappies more than disposables.  These alone has helped manage extra expenses that come with having a child.  Right now, I'm uncertain how much further we can stretch our limited budget. We will need to move a bigger place, save up for hospital expenses (this is not where my taxes go, for sure), hire an additional yaya, and other small things he will need that eventually accumulates.

I do remind myself that finances should be the least of my worries because it will be the easiest to deal with. Jan and I are blessed with jobs.  So yes, while we have to stretch our financial capacities, we will not starve.  There will be a roof over our head, food on our plates and love in our hearts.  In other words, we will survive. We will even be happy. :)

I just have to remind myself to keep faith. In God, with Jan, with our kids, with people who love us.  All shall be well. :)


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