beautiful mornings

My mind is fuzz from having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed Alon.  Usually when he is up by 5AM, I just let him be unless he gives an urgent cry.  Oh, he would cry.  But thanks to those beautiful little fingers that go straight to his mouth when he is distressed, he usually is able to calm down after a while.  Which means I get an extra ten, fifteen, even thirty minutes of sleep.

When I do finally have to face the world, my day usually starts wonderfully with my little boy right beside me already awake.  He would be looking around. I would call his name and he would look in my direction.  And when he does, I am greeted by a toothless baby grin with a face that lets me know that he is very happy to see me.  His little hands would reach out to my face and touch my cheeks.  He still has that smile and he would coo as if to greet me good morning.  My heart flutters with joy every time.

After our good morning greeting, we'd say his morning prayer.  I love that he smiles and coos along as we pray.  Then I will grab his "Touch and Feel Baby Animals" book to read to him.  I've actually memorized the words from reading it day and night.  He would sometimes coo along though most of the time, he would look at the drawings.  He is particularly fascinated with the book shelf when I get to read about the kitten.  He also lingers longer when we get to the baby hedgehog.  Lately, he likes running his nails against the velcro because of the sound it makes.

I would read him another book, from one of the Dr. Seuss books he received from Tita Pia.  I have a bias for "The Shape of Me" since it was the book I read to him while he was still in my tummy.  I think it is also the most visually appealing for Alon since the illustrations are mostly in black and white with lots of contrasts and interesting shapes.

After we read, I'd give him a massage if he would let me. When I get to squeezing his little toesies, I'd recite "This Little Piggy."  He usually gives another of his big smiles when I do that.  After our massage, I'd either put him in front of the mirror or by the window.

When he seems to get tired of staring out into the world or looking at the little boy in the mirror, I'd pass him on to his yaya so I can get ready for work.  By the time I disappear from view, he'd whine which tells us he wants to go out to the grounds already.  Too bad for the little one, I prefer that he go down with me so he'd have to wait it out.  When I am ready, I'd take him from his nanny and we'd go down together.

By the time I say goodbye, I feel that I have enough quality time with Alon to power me up for the rest of the day. I'd walk to the jeepney stop remembering his smile for dear Nanay.  That is definitely a good start for a beautiful day. :)

i miss blogging

I haven't really visited my multiply site for quite a while now until I suddenly had to migrate my old entries before it's totally disappears into internet limbo.  I finally visited tumblr today, where I opted to transfer my entries.  It was interesting to see how I wrote and what I wrote about then.

I miss blogging.

There was a time when every thing in my head was committed to memory so I can write about it.  There were times I'd write multiple entries in a day.  I wrote reviews about books and movies and shows.  I wrote my reflections.  I wrote about silly stuff.  I wrote gibberish.  I wrote a lot then.

As life went on, I fell in love, lived more and wrote less.  It's not a bad reason not to blog.  Somehow though, right now, I feel like some part of my history is missing.  My memory is not as good as it used to be. And with the exciting experience of being a wife and mother, there is so much to write about yet all of those thoughts just remain in my head and not committed to words.

It's not too late though.  I'm hoping I will take less time from Facebook and games and give more time to writing down thoughts. I wish myself luck!

Wish List for Alon's Christening

Alon's Christening is happening soon!

We look forward to formally welcoming our son to the Christian world soon.  Every morning, Alon and I would say a short prayer asking his guardian angel to watch over him the whole day  I love how he coos along after we make the sign of the cross.  I look at my child and hope he would have a faithful but discerning heart when he grows older.  I pray that he learns when to doubt and when to follow.

We came up with a list of suggested items that he needs or wants to grow happier and smarter and cuter every day. :)

Wall stickers perfect for our gray wall
UP onesie (M) and/or Ateneo onesie (M)
Keep Calm and Carry Me and I love the night life onesie (M)
Kick and Play Piano
Swim diapers
Bucket hat
Soft ball
Simple toy vehicles
VTB Saya Carrier (Size 0) or SSK Saya Carrier (Size S)
Bath toys
cloth diapers
Versavest nursing cover
Board books
Cloth books
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein or any Silverstein poetry book
Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak (na-Ondoy kasi. huhu!)
Guess How Much I Love You
Goodnight Moon
Instructions by Neil Gaiman
Book of nursery rhymes
Filipino story books
Colorful teethers
musical toys
drum or tambourine toys
bumbo floor seat with tray
soft toy blocks or stacking cups
sando and shorts for four to six months old
Comfy jammies

the story of a name

Back in high school, when I was harboring this big crush on a former Smokey Mountain member, I had names for our three children. It went along the lines of Kyle, Kylie, Joshua and permutations thereof. I was 15, so I should be forgiven.

I grew older, fell-in-love with the Philippines and realized how beautiful Filipino names are. I found myself liking the name Ulan and even thought of using that name if I had kids.

* * * * *

Holy Week of 2007, Jan and I went on a road trip with some friends to Surigao del Sur (SDS). There was no definite plan what we were going to do or where we will go. We ended up beach-hopping. Our last stop before going home was in Lanuza, SDS.

As Lanuza is famous for its surfing, we had to give it a try. We had loads of fun trying to surf. There was not much success with that especially since we were using short boards. I did succeed for a couple of seconds with a long board. I also tried the hardest since the rest of the gang were already lounging by the beach while I kept trying. I also had the least swimming skill (near zero).

While trying to surf, I had myself hit on the head, the tummy, the chin. I felt like I was put in a washing machine every time I fell. I was bruised and sore all over but I still enjoyed every moment.

After a tiring afternoon and a small-town carinderia dinner, we hung out by the Prospero Pichay Sr. Boulevard (epaaaaal!).  We sat on the benches and just soaked in the sound of the rushing waves.  The sky was clear and was peppered with stars.  I still had a bit of drama in me then, so at that time I was putting words together for a supposed poem.  The imagery I had was about the waves and the stars.  I asked Jan how he liked the names Alon (wave) and Tala (star). He said he did.  The rest of our conversation was about finding second names for Alon and for Tala. Suddenly Ulan was not as appealing as it used to be.

It was a beautiful, peaceful night.  Our bodies were tired but our souls were tranquil.  And there was my future husband and I dreaming of our future.

* * * * *

Fast forward five years, we finally have our little Alon. :)

* * * * *

And I did write that poem down.  I think it was the last poetry I ever wrote.


LANUZA

halakhak ng mga tala,
awitin ng mga alon.
kadaupang palad.
kapatiran.
kaibigan.

pagkapa sa gabi,
mala-alpombra.

nakabinbin sa hangin
ang alat ng dagat.
sinalo ng dilang uhaw,
sabik,
tigang,
sa misteryo ng buhay.

tikim.
subo.
lagok.

kay sarap.
busog na.
gusto pa.

manahimik.
ayan pa rin.

talang humahagikgik.
patuloy pa rin.

humaharana ang alon.

042507 2145

LANUZA
(loosely translated english version)
the laughter of the stars
the song of the waves

hands to hold.
brotherhood.
friendship.

feel the night.
it is velvet.

the taste of the sea
hangs in the air
caught by a thirsty tongue.
wanting,
parched
with the mystery of life

taste.
swallow.
swallow hard.

delectable.
i am full.
i want more.

hush.
it is still there.

the stars
still giggle.

the waves serenade.

Wish List (partial)

I've been blessed to have mommy friends and excited ninangs who have stuff to share our little boy, so we've acquired a few things already.  There are, however, still a few (well, a lot) of items we still have to get.  I haven't really had much time to prepare a full list but based on the layettes I've seen, I was able to list down a few things we are still needing.

LITTLE WRIGGLER:

• relaxation music mp3s (classical, instrumental, beatles for babies, etc... no singing children please... they scare me after a while. haha!)
• Bibs (4)
• Tie-side shirts (4 - 6)
• Receiving blankets (4)
• swaddle blanket (2)
• Hooded towels (3)
• wash cloth (4)
• disposable diapers (endless supply!)
• cloth diapers gauze (12)
• cloth diapers eyelet (6)
• mosquito net
• diaper clips (4 sets)
• health kit (1 set)
• diaper rash ointment
• cooler for breast milk (when I go back to work mid-September)
• breast milk storage bags
• baby bottles for infants (4)
• soft infant shoes 
• bath tub (preferably collapsible)
• baby book

MOMMY WRIGGLER:

• shirts and blouses that can allow for breast feeding

I'm not really sure how much I need nursing pads and other breast feeding related items but I'm certain I need clothes that can facilitate feeding. Hehehe!

Wow... one and a half months to go.  I'm praying harder and harder that this beautiful journey continues with much joy and excitement.  Hoping for your prayers and positive vibes as well. :)

An early lesson in motherhood

It has been more than five months since I had my last scoop of ice cream.  I bit a piece of cheesecake smaller than my pinky finger nail three months back but my last decent slice of cake was six months back.  I would really, really, really like to have an ice cold strawberry kiwi smoothie from Big Chill or a very thick strawberry milkshake in this intense heat.  I would like to try the mochi ice cream near our condo which I sometimes hear people fuss about.  Heck, even if I have a feeling that Magnum is just another ice cream bar, just more hyped up, I'd like to try it.

But I can't.  I'm on a strict no-sugar, low-fat, low-sodium, low-oil diet because of my gestational diabetes.  Even if I started my daily dose of insulin a month back, it's not enough to allow me the eat with the usual indulgence of a pregnant woman. Even my fruit intake has to be limited because my sugar will spike up if I eat an extra grape.

Since Christmas, I've watched people eat to their heart's and stomach's content.  I spent Noche Buena drinking a glass of milk and a piece of toasted bread.  I've been to parties with rich, decadent cakes that I would have gotten more than one slice on a regular day.  I have to deal with opening our refrigerator every day only to see it brimming with Jan's chocolate bars and soft drinks and cookies.

I reached my tipping point when the hubby wanted to buy a half gallon of ice cream.  I was in tears when I saw it on our grocery cart.  I put my foot down and told him to take it back.  He can have ice cream when I am not around or away on field work. 

Other than that, I grin and bear it.  I grin and bear it because I realize that this is an early lesson in motherhood.

If it were just me, I'd get that extra bite of fruit or take a small slice of cake.  But I know that my indulgence will affect my little wriggler one way or the other.  And I don't want that.  If making sure he comes out healthy and happy will mean I have to give up on so many things I like eating, I will. I did.

I surprised myself that I could have this kind of discipline for the sake of some one other than myself.  I guess this is what motherhood is about... self-sacrifice for the good of your child.  And most of the time, there is no bitterness.  Just determination.  Determination that the best comes out of what you have given up.  There are times, of course, that I falter.  Like that ice cream incident.

That rule still stands in our household.  No ice cream in the ref until I can start having it as well.  I also need my sanity.  Why be unnecessarily jealous every night, right?  Also, fingers crossed, I'm flying to HK when I'm 32 weeks pregnant.  It was a chance to be with my family and I have some sponsors, so I'm taking advantage of that.  That's another reason why I'm taking good care of myself too.  I want to go to this trip.  I want this last hurrah before I give birth.  So that's another lesson I learned.  Mothers need to leave something behind for themselves too.   Because if you leave nothing, you become a mere shell with nothing else to give.  Mothers will be able to give more to their children if they have more in them.  There is no need to be guilty when you would like some time out with friends or some time alone and be away from your child for a short bit because you know after that, you would come running home to your child and your husband, ready for another surge of insane mothering and wifeyness.

So yes, there are days I just want to break the sugar fast and grab a scoop of ice cream.  But then there's this wriggling little thing inside me that would kick and hiccup and remind me, the no sweets is s all worth it.

Not to mention, that I actually feel sexier now that I did pre-pregnancy. ;P

Genes

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails, that's what boys are made of.

I'd post proof of his "boy-ness" but my child might hate me once he learns I exposed his privates to the public.   So just take my word for it.  Or see him in a three months. :)

There's another story to the ultrasound too.

I used to tell Jan that I have a feeling our child would look like him.  But I'd also tell him, I hope he gets his lola's or Tito Roy's nose.  You see, Jan's nose is a clan distinction as much as my lips are.  His family makes jokes about it.  It's actually cute but my brother's nose is pogi, so I definitely don't mind our child having a pogi nose.

Jan was not able to go with me to the ultrasound since he had a sudden meeting.  When the doctor was scanning, I was getting excited.  It was great seeing the baby doing okay.  That beautiful heart just beating quick and strong.  The idea of a little human growing inside of me is a constant reminder of how amazing and miraculous life is.  This little wriggler is part of me!

After the doctor informed me of the gender, he zoomed in on the face of the baby.

I, of course, fell more in love with our child...  Though I had an invisible sheepish grin and had to contain my laughter with the close up.  There he was, our son, parading his cute Barandino nose and full Resurreccion lips.  At 21 weeks in the belly, he is showing what he's made of.  Sure, he still has some growing to do, but I'm glad to see that as early as now, he is indeed our son. :)

Can't beat heredity! :P