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Yan ba ang mukhang kwarenta?

 

Maligayang kaarawan. Marami pa akong gustong sabihin, pero atin-atin na lang yun.

Labor Day - Alab

My labor with Alon lasted about six hours in the hospital. Probably additional four while doing my business in the office that morning. I thought that was fast hearing stories from friends. Apparently not compared to Alab!

My OB did warn me that labor the second time around would be faster. I did not realize how fast was faster!

Alon came out when I was 36weeks 6 days with him. So when I reached the 37th week, I was getting a bit impatient though full term is really 39 weeks. During the wait, I'd have very uncomfortable Braxton-Hicks contractions which could be mistaken for labor so when the actual labor came, I was again assuming it to be a bad case of BH!

I have been suspecting early labor since Saturday but did not pay it much heed knowing I will just be sent home if I was less than 3cm dilated. Or they may make me stay which would up the cost of the hospital unnecessarily (cheapskate, remember). Sunday morning, the contractions were getting more frequent. But according to my contraction timer, it was still early labor. 

I wanted to go to Mass early and Jan said we can walk around Ayala Triangle to induce the labor. We weren't able to do as planned because the brunch Jan was preparing was ready by 2pm. Hehe!

By 3pm, I suspect that I was in active labor already but I still did not want to go to the hospital. I had to concede though that Mass and Ayala Triangle were no longer a good idea. I told Jan there was a Mass at MMC at 7PM so we could go there instead.

By 4.30PM, I called my brother so he can stay with Alon while we were at the hospital. I took a bath and Jan got my hospital bag ready. I wanted to wait until he got to our place but by 6PM, I decided to finally go because the pain was getting really, really uncomfortable. 

We got to the hospital around 6:30PM. 

Since my pregnancy was unremarkable (always a good term in doctorese. Hehe!), we were able to avail of the maternity package. This included the anaesthesiologist and related meds. So again, there was the surprised nurses and resident when I opted not to have an epidural. In a sense, it was crazy indeed when it's paid for. I just wanted to be drug-free the entire experience.

I have to admit that I was *this* close to asking for it because the pain was none like I experienced with Alon. While it was six hours, it was a gradual increase in pain that was tolerable. This time, it was a sharp increase that I was not ready for. I was gripping the bed rails like mad, the nurse was telling me, "mommy, baka masira po!" 

As usual, these crazy hospital staff kept asking me the same questions I was asked prior to admission. I wanted to shout at them and tell them to go ask each other because can't they damn well see how much pain I am in. I just answered anyway. And all those effin' forms I had to sign, papers they kept shoving to my face while in the middle of a contraction. Argh.

I wanted Jan to be with me since we were doing lamaze but they said they can only let him in in the delivery room. We were still in the labor room. I asked of we can have the birthing room instead which we would just pay on top of the package. Crazy hospital said that was not allowed since I was having the package. In the middle of my pain, I was arguing with them about their insane logic. After all, I was willing to pay extra. This time, I was glad they did not heed the customer because it was unnecessary. I was also asking if I can go to the toilet because I felt like I was going to poop. They told me I can just use the bed pan instead. (No, it was not poop but Alab getting ready).

I was yelling so hard with the pain, I pity the other moms hearing me. Jan could hear me from outside. My OB was not yet there, so the resident was handling me. And of all the things to tell me, "mommy, don't push yet." WTF! No way am I not going to push! I wanted the pain over and done with! And besides, it's not like I can help it.

So we were still at the labor room when I heard "crowning!" They had to rush me to the delivery room. I was asking for Jan already. He still wasn't there. Still no sign of my OB. It was probably between five to ten minutes since they transferred me to delivery that Alab came out. He arrived before my OB and before Jan.

My doctor arrived in time for clean up and episiotomy. And she gets full fees pa din as agreed. Swerte niya. Hehe! We were transferred to the recovery room. I was so hungry I asked Jan for a Burger King meal.

At 7:25PM, we welcomed Alab who was 47cm and 6lbs 13 ozs upon arrival. He came out after 38weeks and 4 days. While he took his sweet time in my tummy, he wasted no time getting out when he was finally ready. :)

Ohana means family

Family is love. :)

These are the days I am amazed at how much love a person is capable of. Love is not divided, it is multiplied. #overwhelmed

Labs, Happy Birthday!

Uy. 13 X 3 ka na! Di naman halatang Tandercats ka na. Pasalamat ka na bebeh-face ka kahit na mas dumadami na puti kesa itim mong buhok. Keribels lang yan. Richard Gere or George Clooney lang ang peg (parehong di ko type).

 

Sabi nila, pag tumatagal ang pagsasama, nagigising daw sa katotohanan. Halos nine years na tayo. Pero baligtad ata. Nabubulag na ako. Pogi ka pala? Alam mo naman, kahit nuong bago pa lang tayo, di na kita type. Oo, mahal kita, pero di kita type. Maputi ka, type ko maitim. Muscular ka, type ko patpatin. Balbon ka, type ko balat pwet ng baby. 

Buti na lang, mabait ka. Tsaka nagsalita ka na nung tumugtog si Bong Gabriel sa computer ko nung nasa Davao tayo. Kasi sa totoo lang, di ko napapansin na nasa kwarto ka. So quiet naman you, kasi.

 

 

Tapos buti na lang binanggit mo ang magic words na "Neil Gaiman"... Hala! Di man kita type, feel ko naman ang trip mo. Biro mo ba naman umagahin tayo ng kwentuhan sa Korokkan videoke dahil kay Neil at pati na rin sa X-Men. Nahuli mo uli ang aking pansin nung kilala mo ang "Reavers" story line. Ayus!

So dun na nagsimula ang lahat. Kala ko naman, trip trip lang. Malay ko bang dadaanin mo ako sa santong paspasan? Never saw that in you. Haha! Aggressive ka din pala pag gusto mo na makuha ang sagot. Kung sabagay, di pwede ang lalamya-lamya sa basketball player.

By the way, huwag mo na uulitin yung hairstyle sa taas ha? Lalo pa't ang tipid mo gumamit ng pang-ahit.

So yun, three years tayong mag-uyab at hello, hello! Six years na pala tayong kasal. Bongga! Minsan parang kailan lang, minsan parang yun na lang ang alam ko na life experience. Tama nga si Einstein na time is relative. Depende kung san ka nakatingin, iba din takbo ng oras. Ayus.

Di ko alam kung kasingkulit pa rin tayo ng dati. Buti na lang di talaga tayo sweet-sweet-an. At least di ko masasabing, "nagbago ka na!" Kasi ganun ka pa din. Haha!  Pero actually, naso-sorpresa mo na rin ako sa iyong mga Mother's Day flowers and birthday flowers. Mabuti na lang mura lang yung flower shop malapit sa office. :P

Masasabi ko lang, kelangan natin magdagdag ng couple pics. Mahihirapan mga anak natin maghanda ng special video sa ating 20th/25th anniversary. Bilang ina, ayaw ko silang mahirapan. Lezdodis!

Pero kahit di mo halata minsan. O halata mo, pero di mo lang pinahahalata na halata mo kasi alam mong ayaw ko pahalata... Alam ko na swerte ako bilang partner-in-life mo. Kahit obsessed ka masyado sa tables at furnitures, swerte pa din ako. Kahit na masungit ako (hirap ng middle-class in Manila e) pa-minsan-minsan (minsan lang ba?)...

Swerte ako dahil inaalagaan mo ako. Aba e, ilang lalaki ba dyan ang magtitiyaga mamalengke/grocery, maglaba ng ahem at kung anu-ano pa? Dahil ginagawa mo yun, mas naalagaan ko ng mabuti ang ating Alon (at Alab).

Swerte din mga anak mo. Sa picture pa lang sa taas, handa ka na ma-Hop on Pop para lang mapahagikgik sila. Minsan naloloka ako kasi nasa computer at TV ka habang nasa hapag-kainin (ang gadget-free meal times ko!!!), napagsasabihan ka naman. Panganay ka, kelangan mowdel. Hehe! Pero yun, swerte sila dahil hands-on ka, from nappy change to bath time to read time.  Kita mo naman ang tuwa ni Alon pag umuuwi ka.

At happy din ako, dahil alam ko na magiging active ang ating mga anak. Isama na sa basketball sa kanto, football sa park, gym sa YMCA. Bahala ka na. Alam mo naman may tamaditis ako pagdating sa exercise.

At alam kong lalaking matino sa partners ang mga boys natin kasi makikita nila kung gano mo ako ka-lab. Hehe! Mataas kaya standards ko kasi Tatay ko ay lab na lab ang Nanay ko. So I really couldn't settle for any thing less. Naks.

Maligayang bati, Labs! Tingnan mo naman ang peetyur na yan sa taas. Kagigising pa lang ni Alon. Hehe! Nasa tiyan pa si Alab. Pero yan... sana patuloy nating trabahuin na maging masaya at payapa ating munting pamilya. Yun naman din ang tunay na nagtali sa atin, di ba? Ang pagpapahalaga sa pamilya... na ito ang importante sa lahat. :)

Malayo pa ang ating lalakbayin, pero naniniwala ako na magkasama tayo all the way. Holding hands pa. You, me, Alon and Alab. Mwaaaaaaah! Happy batatay, kung kay Alon pa. :)

Moving

Going down 12 floors but it still feels like a big move!

I like keeping with tradition though. I don't necessarily believe them but it's one of those things where you have nothing to lose.

Before we entered the new unit to move some of our stuff, we put in a new broom, a loaf of wheat bread, a canister of brown rice, a jar of brown rice, a small container of salt, our current stock of canola oil, a comb, the Holy Family and Mother and Child statues.

Here's hoping for abundance of love and comfort. And a complete move by end of the week. :)

Coming soon

Little Wiggler, I'm getting breathless carrying you around, do you know that? My tummy has grown much larger than when I was carrying your Kuya. i had gestational diabetes then so I had to. Thankfully, I do not have it now. I can eat more that I did before. That was probably why my tummy got so big. And now, I have stretch marks. 

Vanity is making me feel sad a out it. But then I know that what matters most is that you grow healthy inside of me. We have at least two weeks to go, but I'm gunning for at least three. Just thinking about moving like this for three weeks exhausts me though. Doesn't matter thoug, I'll survive each day. :)

As long as you keep swimming those laps inaide of me to let me know that you are a healthy, strong boy, I will be able to let go of vanities. :)

34 weeks

You've been very active my Little Wiggler! And it makes Nanay happy every time. It also makes me uncomfortable too, especially when there is a fake contraction that hardens my stomach for quite a while. But it's a good sign that you are thriving and hopefully, happy inside Nanay.

I talk to you inside my head. I forget to speak out loud to you but I hope the love I feel you hear with every heart beat. That's at least 50-60 beats a minute. It should reach you. :)

Hold on for at least three more weeks, Little Wiggler! It's best for you so you can gather all strength when the time comes you are finally out. It's not as warm and as comfy as inside me but it is an interesting place to be. Most of the time you are awake, your little head will be figuring things out. I hope you will be excited and not feel too scared. nanay and Tatay and Kuya Alon are here to take care of you. :)

I love you, my Little Wiggler. I can wait to hold you but I have been excited for weeks and weeks and weeks. So when you do come, it will be awesome! 

Anxiety of a second time Mom

I've got seven to eight weeks to go before I pop. It is quite interesting to note that I am more anxious now than I was with the first.  Maybe because we were already four years married when Alon came.  It felt the right time to have our first child.  Our coming soon was a surprise... unplanned and unexpected but definitely not unwelcome.

It has only been a little over two years ago but I'm acting like I was not pregnant before. I wonder if the hardening of my stomach is normal (yes, it is) or why I am always breathless (again, normal, but something I did not experience much with the first).  I'm trying to remember if I should bathe the newborn twice a day or once is enough. There are a lot of things about taking care of a newborn that I feel clueless about again.  We still have not started getting things the little one may need and I intend to cram every thing on my eighth month.  Small things that I paid extra attention to before, I have not been able to do now.

The main reason is I do have a toddler who is quite demanding of my attention now. As a working mother, I utilize my time at home playing and caring for my panganay. I could hardly do anything else until he is fast asleep. This may be part of my anxiety, I think. I sometimes worry if I prepared Alon enough for the arrival of a new person who will be as demanding as he is. I've bought books about new babies. I showed him his baby photos. I talk to him every night. I ask him to talk to my tummy.  Still, I know that when the baby is there, things will take its own shape.

I am also concerned if I have enough in me to care for two human beings? Three, counting the hubby. Hehe! I'm already exhausted just taking care of one toddler.  How will I fare once you throw in a newborn in the mix? I don't want either child feeling neglected by Nanay.  Right now, I'm trying to relegate more to Jan and the yaya but Alon seems to want me more than ever.  It might be he is sensing something big is coming and making the most of it.

I pray constantly that these two brothers would be friends, that they will care for each other.  I pray for guidance that we can foster that love between them. 

There is also my concern about finances.  Kids cost.  I've been lucky that I could sustain breastfeeding and that we use cloth nappies more than disposables.  These alone has helped manage extra expenses that come with having a child.  Right now, I'm uncertain how much further we can stretch our limited budget. We will need to move a bigger place, save up for hospital expenses (this is not where my taxes go, for sure), hire an additional yaya, and other small things he will need that eventually accumulates.

I do remind myself that finances should be the least of my worries because it will be the easiest to deal with. Jan and I are blessed with jobs.  So yes, while we have to stretch our financial capacities, we will not starve.  There will be a roof over our head, food on our plates and love in our hearts.  In other words, we will survive. We will even be happy. :)

I just have to remind myself to keep faith. In God, with Jan, with our kids, with people who love us.  All shall be well. :)

End of my first breastfeeding journey?

It's breastfeeding week/month and it is somewhat ironic that this might also the end of breastfeeding Alon.  See, I'm away for five nights.  As he is already two years old and we have another one coming soon, I decided not to bring a pump so this might mean no more milk production when I return.

From Baby Blues comic strip

Other breastfeeding-related Baby Blues strip

The feeling is bittersweet.  I enjoyed nursing my son all throughout and if we weren't having another soon, I'm really not that much in a hurry to stop if he decides he still wants to nurse (some kids decide to wean themselves).  I could see the benefits of breastfeeding as he is less prone to getting sick compared to his playmates, his skin is baby smooth, he is lean but full of energy.  On the practical side of things, we saved from not needing to buy formula for two years.  Now that he is drinking fresh milk, our expenditures for his milk consumption is only a quarter of what it would cost if he drank formula.

As a working mom who occasionally travels for long periods (nine days was the longest), it did not come cheap either.  I bought lactation cookies to ensure my milk supply, breastmilk bags to store my milk, ice gel packs and fridge-to-go bags to keep the milk cool while in transit.  I lugged around a two kilo pump in addition to other stuff I had to bring with me.  That was a strain on my back.  Airport security always made me nervous due to the carrying of liquid policies.  There was a time I carried SEVEN KILOS of breastmilk from Geneva, Switzerland!

Alon was more than 18 months when he finally decided to drink fresh milk.  It was such a relief! I stopped pumping at work after that.  I only pumped when I was traveling to keep the milk supply going.  He only nursed at night time or during the day time if we are together.  After we got back from Ireland, I gradually weaned him by limiting his nursing before going to sleep and waking up.  No more in the middle of the night nursing.  Before I left, we were down to sleep time nursing.

It was a challenge though (and might still be when I return).  Sometimes I'd ask him to stop in the middle of nursing if I feel something in my belly (possibly contractions).  He'd cry and say, "last na. konti na lang. please." with sleepy pleading eyes. I'd have to explain that it's hurting Nanay and would have to hug and comfort him until he sleeps.  I'm certain that it's more of a ritual than a need but sometimes it is hard for a parent to deny a totally reasonable request from your child.

I'm not sure how things will play out when I get back home.  I'm hoping he will just be cavalier about it or has totally forgotten that he usually nurses to sleep.  If it is truly the end, I would feel a bit of relief but I'd also feel a bit of nostalgia.  It would be an end of an era... but one that is bound to begin again in three months.

Breastfeeding is not easy.  It takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment.  It can be painful (I don't remember it being so for me...) and it can be stressful (catching up with the amount of milk your child consumes during the day while you are away) and time-consuming.  I would therefore say that it is one of my greatest achievements as a woman and as a mother.

It has been a wonderful, personal journey with Alon.  I will to do the same with our Little Wiggler.

Tatay :)

You are a champion:

• nappy changer (very important for Nanay. Nanay for input, Tatay for output.)
• potty trainor (see previous)
• storyteller
• playmate
• and many many other things
• primarily, Champion Tatay it is.

Happy Father's Day.

Nights like this :)

I arrived to a little celebration of Alon's condo Bestie, Anton, who turned one last September 14. While I was enjoying pansit, Alon was with Yaya Jeana riding Zohan's bike. He quite enjoyed the ride and was crying when we had to return it to the owner. When We finally went up to our unit. I asked him if he could say "bike" and he said "bak."  Yaya and Nanay were both surprised and pleased. :).

When Tatay arrived a little later, he took Alon for a walk along the corridor. We played hide and seek and habulan. I taught him to turn. He did! He did three turns, got dizzy and fell down. He was dazed but after he recovered, he did it again a couple of times. Turns, dizzy, fall.  He enjoyed it. Crazy kid!

Afterwards, we saw a grasshopper by the exit door of our wing. He kept staring and looking at it. Everytime we tried to leave, he would insist going back.

When Tatay and Nanay finally decided to return to the unit, it was time for dinner.  He had his plain taho and frozen apple-banana-pear smoothie. Then he took his bath.

Boy, bath was a riot.  I was able to give Alon a bath, but it seemed I was as wet as my ward. He was splashing the water with such buoyant, effervescent gusto that I had to join in. I was drenched but we both enjoyed. :)

Every night may not be as crazy and fun as tonight but I hope Tatay, Nanay and Alon continue to create exciting memories together. :)

Baby babble

Alon started to talk at eleven months. His first word was "lat" (light). I actually though his first word was "cat" since while we were in the playground, he pointed to a cat and said "aat" but then he also pointed to a slide and said "aat." So no, cat was not his first word then.

He was pretty consistent with "lat" until he learned other words.  Right now, I don't hear him saying "lat" but would excitedly look or point in the light's direction when asked "where is the light."

At almost 15 months, he's already got quite a vocabulary. "Boh" for ball, "buh" for balloon, "bahbuh" for bubbles, "buhbay" (bye), "Kah" (car), " kahw" (cow), "down", "tatay," "nanay," "bana" (banana), la na" (no more), "wotah" (water), "dede" and "duhtee" (dirty).

He uses "nyum" for eat because when we feed him, we'd go "nyum-nyum-nyum!"

There are a few random words that I am still trying to figure out like "ikay" and "iko".  Absolutely no idea as he just points at any random thing saying those words.

His favorite word lately is "no."  Often times used in triplicate, sometimes with no context. Often with a head shake. I sometimes wonder if this is an early "terrible twos."  Hahaha! Thank God there are no tantrums that go with it. Yet.

Whatever it is, I'm glad that Alon seems to be developing well. I'm looking forward to his future quips and hope to God I can keep a straight face if he tries to be a smart-ass. Which on current circumstances is highly likely. 

Oh dear.

Waw-aw-aw

Alon knows a couple of animal sounds already. He would point to a cow and would go "mmm..." (Mooo!) He would point to a chicken and would go "buhbuhbuh" (bokbokbok!). He would point to a dog and would go "wawawaw!" But then he would point to any furry animal and go "wawawaw!"

Right now, he has a favorite stuffed dog which he would point to and go "wawawaw" often. Then he would hug it with a big smile on his face. He's not extremely attached to it but I do like how he loves it when he has it. I decided to name it Wawawaw or Doggie until Alon can name it himself. (Though I have this feeling that Doggie will stay Doggie forever. Haha!)

Breastfeeding Month post 2: Milk sharing

It's almost 14 months that I have been breastfeeding Alon.  Like I previously posted, it was not an easy start nor was it easy to continue.

Breastfeeding is hard work for a mother, especially a working mom like me.  Once I got back to work, my main concern was whether I would be able to express enough milk for Alon to consume while I was away.  I did not and still do not produce a lot of milk during milk expression.  At the beginning, I was only able to produce two ounces of milk per pumping session.  By the time he was seven months, my milk production plateaued at four ounces per pumping session. I've seen other mothers produce six to ten ounces in one go.  And I have to admit, I was jealous.  I, however, had to respect my body's capacity. 

I was fortunate enough to have stored enough milk for Alon before going back to work since I was pumping as soon as Alon was born.  There was a time that the freezer was just all breastmilk that I decided to donate the milk to Makati Medical Center so as not to waste them.  I would have preferred to donate it to the PGH milk bank but we it was logistically more difficult.  When a colleague found out that I was donating breastmilk, she pointed out Human Milk 4 Human Babies on Facebook.  Through the page, I was able to share with three mothers whose babies had medical condition.

There was a time that I also received breastmilk for Alon.  I came from a three day trip to Kuala Lumpur for work bringing home 40 ounces of milk.  It turned out that it spoiled because my storage cooler could only keep the milk cool for three hours.  My entire trip took ten hours!  Whoever said "no use crying over spilled milk" definitely did not breastfeed.  It hurt to throw away 40 ounces since it took so much effort producing it.  It was fortunate that a friend's child weaned from frozen breastmilk, so Alon was able to partake of it.  We did not need to supplement with formula.

Thankfully, supply and demand have normalized about a month after the big milk spill.  I'm once again producing enough for Alon to use and even a few more extra to tide him over if I go on field work. I hope we do not come to the point that I will need breastmilk from others again.  I would rather share mine in this aspect. :P

Breastfeeding Month Post 1: Informed but rocky start

When I was still pregnant, I thought two things: 1) Breastfeeding would be easy and 2) Formula milk is part of a baby's nutrition.

Reasons for thought #1: You have a baby, you have a breast. Puppies and kitties and other mammals do it all the time.  They seem to not have much trouble doing it.

Reason for thought #2: Working mothers will not be able to be with their baby all the time, so how will the baby get milk? And all those Promil child geniuses!  Who would not want their child to be one? There must be something in fortified powdered milk!

It was such a blessing that Jan and I decided to take Child Preparation Classes with Rome Kanapi.  We took the Discovery Weekend philosophy "If you can spend so much on your wedding, you should invest on your marriage."  So for our parenthood journey, we decided to invest on knowledge on having a safe delivery and caring for our precious child.

In one of our last sessions with Rome (there were six), she discussed breastfeeding to our group.  The gist was "why use cow's milk for human babies?"  That simple logic totally made sense to me.  She also discussed the infant's stomach capacity for milk (see illustration below, photo taken from here).  Therefore, we mommies should not worry if there seems to be hardly any milk coming out during the first few days after birth.  Babies will only need a little milk at a time and will feed more frequently.

That was definitely valuable information for me because I thought my milk would flow just like that the moment I give birth.  Without knowing that from Rome, I would have thought myself incapable of milk production.

Another valuable information we got was about pumping breastmilk.  I heard about manual pumping and that it takes so much time and effort to do so.  We even discussed hand expression.  Thankfully, I became a mom when double electric pumps are easily available.  This was important to me, because as much as I want to be a stay-at-home/work-at-home Mom (SAHM/WAHM), I am an employee and will need to return to work after my maternity leave.  So I was glad to know that it is possible to keep my baby exclusively breastfed (EBF) even if I am working.  I was also very lucky that my good friend, R, lent her pump to me so this saved us from needing to purchase a new one.

I was totally decided to breastfeed bu then.  Breastmilk is free.  Breastmilk is natural.  Breastmilk will allow me to bond more with my child.  Easy-peasy.

It was not as easy as I thought.

Our first challenge was Alon's jaundice.  While this was normal for most babies, his bilirubin levels were alarmingly high according to his neonatologist.  At first, a resident asked me to sign a waiver allowing him to be fed formula.  I refused to sign.  I told her I wanted my son breastfed, that my pedia sister and my pedia told me that it would still be possible to breastfeed a jaundiced baby.  I asked her to explain why I should formula feed my son.  She did not seem to know what to answer so the resident left the room looking defeated.  Alon's specialist came later to explain that breastfeeding Alon would further increase his bilirubin levels.  Tearfully, I signed the waiver.  She advised that I pump regularly to keep the supply going.

So while Alon was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) undergoing photoplasty and drinking formula, I was at the breastfeeding station of the nursery pumping every three hours.  The first pumping session was disheartening.  I barely got anything out.  I asked the nurse attending if that was too little.  She said that it was indeed too little.  How discouraging she was!!!  Still I continued to still pump every three hours.  By the next day, my supply was up to 0.5 oz.  I asked the nurse taking care of Alon if that was okay.  She was more encouraging.  "Just keep pumping, ma'am, and your supply will increase."  True enough, when Alon was allowed to breastfeed again, I was at 0.75 oz.

Given the go signal to finally breastfeed Alon again. Nanay is very happy!

The instruction we got from my pedia that is to mix feed if it seems Alon was not getting enough milk from me.  During the first days, I really thought that was the case.  After a feed, he would still cry.  So I'd ask Jan to prepare formula for him.  I was getting worried that he seemed to be unsatisfied after every feed but I was still keen on breastfeeding.  I read Dr. Sears "The Baby Book." His book is very assuring.  He reiterates the amount of milk a newborn needs, he explains the other reasons why a baby may be crying.

After that I decided to stop feeding him formula and try addressing other issues that may be making Alon cry.  I checked his urine and poop output to make sure he is still getting enough.  It was fine.  I figured it was colic, so we would massage his stomach regularly.  After a week or so, we got our breastfeeding rhythm and he did not cry as much after nursing.

Alon sleeping soundly after feeding.  Nanay is sleepy but happy.

Our start was very rocky.  I think I got post-partum blues after his bout of jaundice but despite that I was just glad that I was well-informed on breastfeeding and I had the resources to get more information how to keep going or else I would have probably just resorted to formula.  The hubby was also supportive all the way, supporting my choice to breastfeed and assisting in other ways he can.

Nanay's Day is about Tatay too

This coming Sunday is my first official Mother's Day.  I'm excited. :)

Motherhood is a daily challenge but it is also a daily pleasure.  It has been a wonderful blessing to be Alon's mother.  There are times I would look at him and just feel that "kilig" of having a son like him.  I would not be able to quantify or qualify what "like him" means.  Alon just is, whatever is means. Maybe it means a not-so-little ball of sumpong and smiles and personality that just makes every day exciting even if we are just lying down together or playing.  But definitely much much more than that.

I would have to say though that I have much to thank Tatay Jan for, that I am able to be the best possible mother I can be to Alon.  (Of course, 10 months into the experience, I don't have much to show for yet.  But I think I can safely say that I do as much I can to take care of our son).

My wonderful husband has taken over some of the household chores so I can devote more time with Alon.  He has been doing the groceries since I gave birth (which would mean items not on the list are inside grocery bags. :P).  He does the laundry (delivering to the laundry shop for big items as well as washing socks and personal items).  He would buy dinner when there is nothing to cook.  He would make me breakfast (the best sandwiches ever!) to bring to the office or prepare my lunch containers.  And so many other things.

By freeing me up of some household chores, I get to spend more quality time with Alon.  Not only that, but he spends quality time with Alon himself.

He has been designated official nappy changer.  During the first few months, this took a lot of effort considering babies poop a lot.  Lately, he has gotten a little reprieve since Alon poops much less now.

He would sometimes bathe Alon when I ask him to.

He would also clean Alon's mess, whether a dirty high chair or food thrown on the floor.

He would read to Alon. 

 He would play with Alon.

While I was away for a long work trip, he managed Alon's meals and milk.  

He has not squished Alon when they sleep beside each other.  :P

I have seen the love and devotion he has for his son.  And again, that "kilig" feeling.  More than that, I get a sense of contentment and joy seeing them together bonding.

* * * * *

I remember a little poster my Father had when I was still young.  "The greatest gift a Father can give to his children is to love their mother."  It used to baffle me back then.  It was only now that I truly understood what that meant.

Alon has much to be thankful for for a Tatay like his own.  I have much to be thankful for to have a partner like Jan in raising a family.  Indeed, I am able to do more for our son because he does more for us. I am the mother that I am because he is the father that he is. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

The year that was 2012

I haven't answered this meme for several years already. Maybe because things got a little boring and most of things we worried about for the past two years were preparing the condo and getting furniture (some people would be excited by this but I have always been mobile and home stuff do not thrill me) and paying bills. Well, 2012 is still about that but with a big "little" extra that I can't get enough of


So thanks to Ina (and Lia who reminded Ina) for posting her year (and yey, Alon and I make a guest appearance!) because I'm copying her questions but not her answers of course.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Got pregnant and gave birth! Snorkelling while pregnant. Saw a sea turtle in its natural habitat. Have a grand vacation with my family in Hongkong (thanks to my Mom’s sponsorship!)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t usually make any so I didn’t break any resolution. But with my bout with gestational diabetes, I resolved to lessen my softdrink and powedered juice intake. So far, I have been faring well with that one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Me! And then there was Maricar and Fabiola and Sandra and Miwako and Alem from ISS (and a few of the boys had their wives/partners give birth too!). There was Sarji, Graziella, Evecar and Allison in the office. And Nic-Nic with their third girl. It was a pregnant year for my social circle!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don’t remember so that means no. It hurt to hear about still births though. :(

5. What countries did you visit?
Hongkong and Malaysia

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Motivation to write my thoughts down on paper. I think they are worth noting down. Hehe, feeling.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 4. Jan and I welcomed Alon to the world. :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Going to work in the morning (walked, rode a jeep and went up and down the stairs at that) and gave birth without anaesthesia in the afternoon. I am now a warrior. Bow before me, weaklings. Hehe!

And sustaining breastfeeding even if I had a few issues (and now different ones.) Until now, I'm working hard at it and hoping I can at least reach up to a year and even two (or three?).

9. What was your biggest failure?
Keeping regular contact with my mom. Sometimes she doesn’t pick up kasi but I should still try more though.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, I had gestational diabetes which I could say was a blessing in disguise. I was at my most healthy and most fit. It was easy giving birth and trimming down and I think it helped me provide my son with a healthy start in life too. :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The adaptor for the Medela pump Rowie lent to me (thanks so much for that Row!). I was able to sustain having Alon on pure breastmilk for almost seven months now. And hopefully I can still keep it up. And those lactation cookies from Raquel and Mommy Treats. They really do seem to work. When I stopped, my production dip but now that I am back on them, my milk increased a bit. I still want to have more production though so I can have the opportunity to donate again.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nonay, because she has not been infected by the Manila urbanity (yet? Ever?) and I think she listens to her mom more now. Listening to your mom is always good! (Paging Alon!)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Tito Sotto. Because really, how hard is it to admit your mistake?
CBCP. Because this fire and brimstone argument for anti RH bill did not win sympathies. I could argue against the bill without resorting to morality issues. Sheesh.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Furnishing the condo and pre-natal stuff and giving birth.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Alon

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Soft kitty, warm kitty. I sing it every night. Out of tune, but the baby doesn’t care. So there.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner and healthier!
iii. richer or poorer? Just the same I guess. Even if we spent a fortune on the condo and on the baby, we were still able to have some luxuries, so I would say we are blessed. :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Write or blog.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
crying spells during post partum blues

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my mom and bro and Alon on the verandah of my aunt’s house in Davao. Jan was sick during Christmas eve with a stomach bug so was asleep. We spent most of the day in SM Lanang which had a nice breastfeeding station but poorly located. Then after 6.30, I just slept and slept and slept until the next day. With Alon waking me up for breastfeeding or nappy change.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
With Alon Camina. And when I remember to look at him properly, Jan Camina.

23. Who got together and who broke up?
There was an office romance. Ninin and Jerry got married. Kaira got married. I don’t know if anyone broke up.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Big Bang Theory. Modern Family. How I met your mother. Ina, Kapatid, Anak. Be Careful with my Heart.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Annoyances here and there but not really hating anyone. No room for negativity.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. Because it was one of the few books that actually made me confident with my parenting skills. I think attachment parenting is for me.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
U2 and Bob Marley for Babies. Thanks Tita Maita!

28. What did you want and got?
A boy.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I didn’t get to watch much. And I fell asleep during The Hobbit. Never watch a last full show if you are a new mom who hasn’t had a decent sleep for half a year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
34. I took care of the baby. I ate some pansit and had some cake and ice cream with Jan and my bro.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
a two-bedroom condo

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Pormatics enough for a pregnant woman/new mom.

34. What kept you sane?
Maybe the internet and television. I was more depressed when we did not have any. :P

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Tom Rodriguez. Ronaldo Valdez.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Cybercrime Law. RH Bill.

37. Who did you miss?
My sister. My mom. Yano.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Alon

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
That the heart is really, truly capable of loving deeply.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.

Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr.

six months!

Oh how I wish I could blog as often as I can about life as a wife and mother.  How I wish I could document every little milestone about Alon.  But given that most of my day is at work, I prefer to experience my son more than write about him.  However, today I fight through the sleepiness and discard "me" time because it is a special day.  Today, Jan and I celebrate Alon's sixth month! Our little baby is half a year old!

Six months. Half a year.  When I think about it, the emotions are all a jumble.  I look at him and see how very much different he was from when he was born.  He is no more a helpless newborn but now a curious infant.  He is no longer entirely dependent on me but rather on a quest to discover every little thing in the world.  I am nostalgic of those days that I am enough for him.  Yet I am excited for him to know more and more about the world.  I look forward to the games we can play together and a bit of the mischief he might do or the wisdom he can share or the funny things he will say.  I am imagining the time when we jump for pictures together already.  I look forward to all the memories we will make as a family.


My dearest Alon, I did not expect you to arrive on July 4! I even came to work in the morning though I was already having contractions but I didn't know I was having them.  Silly me!  I thought it was just Braxton-Hicks so I walked and rode a jeep and went up and down the stairs.  The pain, however, was getting more intense which made me realize that it may be time to go to the hospital already.  It's funny though.  People around me were panicking more than I was.  Thank God for those lamaze classes your Tatay and I took that I was calm through out.

I got admitted to the hospital at 1:30PM.  By 6:07PM you were out.  I gave birth au naturelle! No anaesthesia.  Something I am really proud to have achieved.  So you, little boy, do not have the right to complain much when you skin a knee or bump your head because I know what pain is like. And you, being a boy, will never ever experience that.  So yeah, skinned a knee?  Clean with running water and soap and you'll be fine.  No need to wail or whine. :)


You scared me your first few days.  You got an extreme case of jaundice and had to be admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  I had to stop breastfeeding you because breastmilk made it worse.  There was even a time when your doctor told us that if your bilirubin levels did not go down, we would have to do blood transfusion.  How I stormed the heavens when I found that out.  And God is good!  You got better and better each day until finally they let me breastfeed you again and you were back in regular care.  After a week in the hospital, we could already go home.

But what happened got me a little paranoid.  I was afraid that every little thing I do would hurt you even if your pedia told us that babies are actually hard to hurt (not that I would ever ever want to do that!).  It took a while for me to get my groove, but eventually I felt better as a mother and had less fear of taking care of you.

By the second month, you could already lift your head and smile and suck your entire fist.  Like most babies, you wanted to be fed every couple of hours.  But you slept much longer and more comfortable if I was your bed.  This was perfectly fine by me.  I get to sleep longer and I get to cuddle you too!

I have to say, you had this absolutely funny looking poopy face.  You'd stick out your tongue, groan and shiver a bit.  I actually miss that face. :PI have to say, you had this absolutely funny looking poopy face.  You'd stick out your tongue, groan and shiver a bit.  I actually miss that face. :P

By your third month, most of your hair fell off.  I was happy to see you had a bit of hair when I gave birth to you.  Imagine my horror that every time I check your sheets, I'd see little fuzz on them and less on your head!  But I guess it must be my family's genes working on you.  Many of our boys have high foreheads... if you catch my drift. :P

You were also laughing a lot already and doing funny faces and sounds.  You liked to stand up, not by yourself of course.  You enjoyed listening to the stories I read and actually liked holding the books yourself.  Your eyes focused more on the letters than on the pictures but that could be because you still preferred black to colors.

By the fourth month, you were already an expert with finger sucking.  Thank God your pedia encouraged it because it helped you sleep longer and better (which also means I get to sleep more too).  .You enjoyed being on your tummy and worked a lot on your mini-push ups.  You were starting to communicate too so our time together was becoming more and more fun.

This was also when you had your Christening.  A lot of people came to welcome you to the Christian world. You got lots of gifts and we used what we could already.  But you are indeed my son because you most appreciated the books you received .

You just get more awesome by the day!  By the fifth month, you were already reaching for your toes and even sucking them.  You start to creep (early stages of crawling) and can not be left alone any more.  You try to get to your toys and books.  You turn over quite skillfully already that changing your diaper has become more and more of a challenge.

You are also a very emotional child. Another trait you got for me! You smile and laugh a lot, but you also cry a lot too.  You seem to have a "look, but no touch" policy.  You would have this very sweet smile for people but would cry in a minute if they carry you.  You'd rather I or Yaya hold you while people play with you.

You've done quite a lot of things on your fifth month too.  You took your first airplane ride, your first boat ride and celebrated your first Christmas and New Year.

What Nanay was most excited about is that I was finally able to take you swimming.  The moment I got us tickets to go home to Davao, I was already imagining our day at the beach.

Well, you did not squeal with delight when I got you into the water.  Could be because it was too cold.  But at least you did not cry and you looked genuinely curious about the experience.  What I liked best was that you knew how to paddle your foot.  You did refuse to let go of me though.  I didn't mind though.  I did not have the courage to just throw you in the water and see if you would swim by your self. :P

And now you are six months! You will be starting your solids soon (tomorrow in fact).  Your bag of tricks are getting bigger and bigger.  And you entertain me in new ways on a daily basis.

Ah, dear Alon... what I wrote does no justice to show the world how amazing you are.  But it does not really matter.  What's important is that your Tatay and Nanay know this.  And someday, I hope you find this out for yourself without letting it go to your head.  And by finding out you are amazing, you go and make others realize they are too.

My dearest Alon, we are so blessed to have you as our son.  I hope we do justice in being your parents.  I hope we raise you well.  Nanay and Tatay love you very much. I love you very much!

welcome home and good night

As a new mom, the most difficult part of the day is saying goodbye to Alon each morning.  How I wish I can be a stay-at-home mom so I can watch our child grow every day.  But there are bills to pay, so at the moment, it's not the best option for us.

I do feel blessed that work is just a fifteen minute walk away.  I can even opt to go home for lunch.  During my first month at work, I did do that.  But with the intense noon heat, I got sick easily.  That won't do for either Alon or myself.  With work just nearby, I still get to spend enough time with Alon.  We have our quality time in the morning and we get to have some more in the evening. Yey!

I walk as fast as I can whenever I am going home.  The anticipation of seeing Alon fuels each of my step.  By the time I reach the gates of Avida, I get very excited already.  When I turn the corridor of our floor, I grin from ear to ear.  While opening, I would already be saying, "Hello, Alon!"  And boy, what a wonderful smile that greets me!  That beautiful smile tells me I am finally home.  He shrieks with joy andd kicks about waiting for me to pick him up.  The tired feeling from the day's work goes away and I am awash with love. :)

We proceed with our evening ritual.  If he's hungry, I'd nurse him.  If he's not, we repeat our morning ritual. Read, tummy time, sing, point things out.  Once he starts to get sleepy, I'd give him his bath.  (Bathing Alon is another blog entry in itself.) 

When he is all dressed up, I'd put him on the sling and we would walk around the grounds to lull him to sleep.  I'd sing "soft kitty" or a made up lullabye.  Then we'd say his evening prayer.  By the time I walk through the ground floor corridor, he's ready to sleep.  He'd close his eyes and suck his fingers.  When we reach our corridor, I'd walk back and forth a few times just to make sure he is fully asleep.  Once we are in the room, I'd spend five to ten minutes just hugging him in his sleep.  Then I'd put him to bed and kiss him good night.  

"Good night, Little Alon."

the story of a name

Back in high school, when I was harboring this big crush on a former Smokey Mountain member, I had names for our three children. It went along the lines of Kyle, Kylie, Joshua and permutations thereof. I was 15, so I should be forgiven.

I grew older, fell-in-love with the Philippines and realized how beautiful Filipino names are. I found myself liking the name Ulan and even thought of using that name if I had kids.

* * * * *

Holy Week of 2007, Jan and I went on a road trip with some friends to Surigao del Sur (SDS). There was no definite plan what we were going to do or where we will go. We ended up beach-hopping. Our last stop before going home was in Lanuza, SDS.

As Lanuza is famous for its surfing, we had to give it a try. We had loads of fun trying to surf. There was not much success with that especially since we were using short boards. I did succeed for a couple of seconds with a long board. I also tried the hardest since the rest of the gang were already lounging by the beach while I kept trying. I also had the least swimming skill (near zero).

While trying to surf, I had myself hit on the head, the tummy, the chin. I felt like I was put in a washing machine every time I fell. I was bruised and sore all over but I still enjoyed every moment.

After a tiring afternoon and a small-town carinderia dinner, we hung out by the Prospero Pichay Sr. Boulevard (epaaaaal!).  We sat on the benches and just soaked in the sound of the rushing waves.  The sky was clear and was peppered with stars.  I still had a bit of drama in me then, so at that time I was putting words together for a supposed poem.  The imagery I had was about the waves and the stars.  I asked Jan how he liked the names Alon (wave) and Tala (star). He said he did.  The rest of our conversation was about finding second names for Alon and for Tala. Suddenly Ulan was not as appealing as it used to be.

It was a beautiful, peaceful night.  Our bodies were tired but our souls were tranquil.  And there was my future husband and I dreaming of our future.

* * * * *

Fast forward five years, we finally have our little Alon. :)

* * * * *

And I did write that poem down.  I think it was the last poetry I ever wrote.


LANUZA

halakhak ng mga tala,
awitin ng mga alon.
kadaupang palad.
kapatiran.
kaibigan.

pagkapa sa gabi,
mala-alpombra.

nakabinbin sa hangin
ang alat ng dagat.
sinalo ng dilang uhaw,
sabik,
tigang,
sa misteryo ng buhay.

tikim.
subo.
lagok.

kay sarap.
busog na.
gusto pa.

manahimik.
ayan pa rin.

talang humahagikgik.
patuloy pa rin.

humaharana ang alon.

042507 2145

LANUZA
(loosely translated english version)
the laughter of the stars
the song of the waves

hands to hold.
brotherhood.
friendship.

feel the night.
it is velvet.

the taste of the sea
hangs in the air
caught by a thirsty tongue.
wanting,
parched
with the mystery of life

taste.
swallow.
swallow hard.

delectable.
i am full.
i want more.

hush.
it is still there.

the stars
still giggle.

the waves serenade.